Over the Hump

I do mean more than just Wednesday. I am over the birthday hump, and entered into a new age demographic...35! I now have to move down one more box when choosing my age bracket on surveys. I can no longer get away with fooling myself into thinking I am early thirties. (No matter what Wii Fit says!)

It was a great day. Being back in CA for my birthday is a great way to get perspective on the years I have spent on this planet. My friend Dave who I happen to be staying with (and his daughter and wife) has the same B'day as me. As did the five other tables at Texas Roadhouse last night for an early dinner. It was an astrological loins den in there... go figure we'd all want meat.

The one thing I learned, there are way too many options at that restaurant for what do to with a sweet potato. I was thinking, it's a veggie without being too green and fibrous, I'll try that. And I will be bad and use some of that cinnamon butter on it, that sounds good. They not only had my ticket on the butter as an offer of a side for this thing, but also offered brown sugar, caramel sauce, marshmallow sauce... by the time he got there I just said, "Can you throw a Twinkies on that too?"

Feeling pretty bad this morning about the amount of delicious but guilty calories I inhaled last night, I decided to go jogging this morning. I still have chest cold however, and I haven't run in a while, plus it might be hot... really with the amount of excuses I was coming up with before even putting on my shoes, it was amazing I even made it out the door. A short run, my personal best was about a 1.25 miles of running the whole way which honestly amazed me. I was envisioning just running round the block a few times, twice if I was feeling lucky. All told, I think I ended up running to Cuba.

The path I took, was a very long road until I hit any road that looked interesting to turn on. I felt good however...35 was the speed limit and my new age, felt like it was meant to be! I could have turned left onto other paved streets with beautiful houses to look at, feeling a wonderful little breeze for the short blocks. Naah, I decided to turn right onto an older road with no sidewalk and run in the sand though the orchards. Turns out those inlets I thought were roads were driveways to combines, and the nearest road was much further down hot road because the breeze was blocked by all the trees. Yet, I still ran. Turning the corner, now had to take it to a partial run, partial walk. At this point I realized the smell of cow pie really does add a little something to a run, as well as I didn't know I could sweat from my forearms. Turns out the orchards I was running though were almond orchards, and I am allergic. My forearms weren't sweatting so much as breaking out in hives. As I turned the last corner walking now past the country club and humiliated because now I was on the busy road where every passing car could seem me walking in shame instead of jogging with pride as I was on the desolate roads, I wonder exactly why I decided I needed to run in the first place.

I got back, this was the thought that prevailed as I undressed for a shower, and fat on my body was no less and still exactly comfortable where it made it's home not one hour before. I'm pretty sure this is why I never ran before unless I was being chased. And even then, I'd probably have a better chance of just getting caught and taking ya down by hand.

With this, we packed up for the Gouda Factory for grilled cheese sandwiches and brownies for lunch.

Ode to Airports with Toddlers

Snug and snoring in the dark
Stub my toe, that'll leave a mark
Sleepy boys are all mixed up
Spilling orange juice from their cup
In the car saying it's still night
Mommy praying they don't start to fight
Daddy driving, OH help us Lord
Lets get to it, All aboard!
Hoping, wanting to nod off once more
Ache sleepy to the core
Cutiest little boys you have ever seen
Fuzzy back packs and smiles that beam
Airports, escalators and moving side walk
Not the kind to draw on with chalk
Up and down and round on the plane
So air sick, oh not again.
Eat ice cream, snacks and juice
Lets get there soon, get off this goose
Finally the last airport and friends
So glad this journey has good ends
Just don't tell them that in three weeks time
The journey home might just not rhyme.

Customer Intelegence

It's a Sunday. You know how people say, there are "Sunday Drivers" right. I think there are "Sunday Shoppers!"

No one really wants to work at the local Wal-Mart on a Sunday morning, so it wasn't shocking when we went in there to buy a new camera and found only one person working the entire electronics department. It was shocking however, to find the lines of out-of-townees crowding the camera isle trying to find a new camera or memory card.

I am not saying I am the most intelligent shopper in the world. I do need to ask for help from those more knowledgeable than myself most of the time. However... if you have a camera and you need a memory card... it might help to know what type.

And even if you don't know what type... maybe bring the camera!

I assure you sir, that no matter how many times you point out the three cameras on the display that look kinda like yours, there is no possible way the poor sales girl is miraculously going to go, "OH...of course.. you have a Nikon one touch 6 megapixle with bonus carrying case, that was sold between May 2004 and September 2005 and you left it on the corner of your sofa table next to the dining room. It takes an SD card... I recommend an 6GB." Unless she's clairvoyant, she's just not gonna know with the data you have provided dear sir.

We eventually did get our camera. Here's just a few shots for your amusement of what we captured with it today. Our other one finally died under the spilled lemonade activity from two weeks ago. It tried to hang on.. it was a good camera. RIP little silver canon!

Props for Brittney

It's hard being a parent. Just get a couple of us in a room, and you can't shut a parent up about the hysterical mess little Tommy made, or the embarassing time Mary brought out the maxi pads and set the dinner table with them. We have all seen the mortified mother in the grocery store with the screaming tantrum foul mouthed hysterical toddler, and given one of two reactions.. sympathy or dismissal because if she was a proper mother that wouldn't happen!

I was talking to a friend of mine a couple days ago, he's also a father of two. We got on the morbid subject of wills and trusts, setting things up for our kids if we kick the bucket. I was telling him my complex grid like equation to figure out in the event of my passing how to calabrate my childrens funds and future. I told him my kids will have to take a drug test before they see a cent of any trust fund. He laughed, but I was serious! He gave me a huge compliment, saying the amount of attention I pay to my kids is going to be the reason he's bet pretty heavily my kids wouldn't go down that road. And this is what sent me on tonights props for Brittney Spears. Stick with me here...

If we were all perfect parents, we'd all turn out to be pretty much the same people. But the world takes all kinds of people to keep in functioning and interesting. But there is more...

I am convienced that when you give birth to a child, you break a little bit. The hormones that are released in your body after it tries to go back to a non-pregnant saggy bag of water...will forever change the dynamic in which the reasoning portion of your brain functions. This is why Mother In Laws get that stereotype of domineering, hard to deal with control freaks. It's because during this time, the hormones went up into the brain and messed with they synapses and made you start thinking, you have the knowledge of things you don't even know about but if it sounds reasonable in a circular argument, then it must be right! Did I loose you? If I did, you must not have had a child yet. Just wait, you will get it.

Now there are a few of us, that figured out this sometimes happens and we try to combat these thoughts by reading books, joining groups, reading internet articles and consulting with like-minded parents in order to "Check Ourselves." This is another defense mechanism that we learned, that was actually installed prior to having kids and right about the time we might have started to realize... Maybe I don't know it all.

But what happens to these young parents, or stunted emotional developed adults who have not yet had the "Huh" device installed yet, but have kids. Well my friends, it's a sad story. These are the parents, to whom we in the mainstream parent bowl, look down our noses at and feel sorry for their children. These are the 15 year old new mothers with their boyfriends name tattooed across their neck. These are the parents who think it's charming to let their toddlers pass the roach clip, or let the kids feed the dog the last swigs from almost empty beer bottles. Yes my friends, these are the Brittany Spears of our nation!

Stick with me here... So while pompus I want to get back to where I know it all mothers like myself sit in judgement of our Nicole Ritchie's of the world, with our books and self doubt about parenting styles... We can take a clue from these carefree livin' life how it's dealt, ignoring reality and the needs of basics like clean clothes, balanced meals or stability. The reason why my friends.... there are no guarentees! We just don't know who is going influence our precious care packages in this world. We are all only doing what we can with the tools, and broken brains we have given to us. So go ahead, roll those eyes and let your heart bleed for the unfortunate children who have it less than... but just remember to send your MIL a nice note while you are at it!

I however, choose to take a moment to honor and cherish those mothers, who can make me feel better about my decisions as a parents. Thank you to those who are brave enough to set the bar lower so I can feel I have achieved! Thank goodness for the teen moms that don't even have the wisdom to know they don't have any wisdom and couldn't even fathom self doubt. Kudos to the emotionally stunted and hurrah for the morally depraved, for you are the gems helping to give our world diversity and the need for socialism. Hats off!

Love Sandwich

Not much to say today!

Let the Squeals Fly!

I never realized until today, how many things in life there are to squeal about. When I am out with my boys, I feel like I am always telling them, "No squealing please! Please turn down the volume. Softer voices!"


Seriously, why? WHY? Today, if it's worth squealing about, let's just let it out!

Today the items of squeal deliciousness were the following.


Chocolate milkshakes for lunch!

Playing in the water fountain, tossing in pennies and just getting sprayed with the water streams.













Jumping off the flower bed benches.




As I am older however, I found other things that were making me squeal. Living in Cape May, I have not gotten used to the a la cart way of ordering food here. French fries are always extra and cost as much as the meal where in Maryland, everything was served with a side of fries or it was unpatriotic. So I squealed when I ordered one kids meal of mac and cheese to split, fries and a sandwich with the a drink and the kids shakes and was handed a $44 bill. Squealing like a pig I was... on the inside. On the outside, I just said "Thank you, have a great summer!" Inside saying, Because we sure as heck won't be back. Hot dogs and chips on the back porch for us!

Seeing the kids playing with this tea cup sized 10 week old Yorkie puppy, and as they squealed, it did tug at my heart. So freggin' cute! I toyed with the idea of getting one, and having a little dog to sit on my lap as I blog, as the other two monsters warm my feet like slippers. I asked the woman how much they were, knowing it was coming. And yep... SQUEEEEEEEEEAL! (Followed by a *gasp* *hack* and *cough*) $1500. She wouldn't sell me one until the boys are 5 years old anyway, so that was that. I do need to get into dog breeding!

When I got home however, I did have the child-like squeal that I envy of my boys. There was flowers in my sun room (weird story how they got delivered there, but ok!) from my best friend Rebecca. We had a email fight, so retarded...and we fixed it. But she still ordered me a wonderful gift that had me crying like a baby and left me with the long sought ofter squeal of delight. Geesh, this gal really knows how to say sorry! I'm gonna be making up for this one for a while, but meanwhile, I am loving my flowers.

SQUEEEEEEEEEAL!

Oldie but Goodie-On the Move

This is a back by popular demand post. I wrote this on my facebook notes before I started blogging and some people have mentioned it a few times. I decided to transfer it here for all to adore. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

We have now entered onto day three of New Jersey and what an experience it has been. To take you with me though this journey, I must start off in Maryland.A few nights before we packed up, we had a big huge blow out party so the kids could all say goodbye to all our MD friends. The party started at 10:30am and mama and friend were up until 2am. So needless to say, trying to prepare for the move with a two day hangover, will cause me to say "I will never drink again!" I do it so rarely these days, my body can't handle and it's so not even worth it anymore. I will just wait until I am in my 80's and can mix alcohol with my medication and a hangover would be a nice distraction from the arthritis. But I digress...The party was well attended with lots of food as we cooked up everything in the freezer that wouldn't travel, plus ordered pizza. The kids were well entertained and entertaining by dressing up in any and all costumes we could dig up. We also had a surprise appearance by the all too popular chocolate fountain! On top of this, we opened up the hot tub! Farewell party to end the farewell tour that has been going on for a month, was a success! So finally the packers arrived. Aiden and Cody had their boxes to pack special toys and items that couldn't leave their side. They packed, and unpacked, and packed and unpacked these boxes a few times before finally realizing they needed to stay packed for the items to be able to go with us in the car. A lesson perhaps not so well learned by Terry, as his uniform for his last day was laid out on top of the suit case and not in it, therefore packed... lending him towards the idea of arriving to work in a t-shirt and briefs. We really didn't know what day they were going to pull out of MD with all our stuff, or arrive, and finally it all shook out, we were to camp out on Wednesday in an empty house, and pull out on Thursday morning, so we could meet the truck with all our stuff Friday morning. Julie then called when we were on the ride back from dinner to our empty house on Wednesday, offering us her guest bedroom and slumber party for the kids. The cheers for a pajama party were most likely heard throughout the county, confirming that yes, we would take her up on her kind offer of crashing at her pad... three doors down from our empty box. The kids and I didn't get as much sleep as usual, for thrills of a sleep over don't usually lend themselves to actual sleep. But we did get up early and pack the car, say a few goodbyes to the kids across the street and our dear friend Ms. Jeanne. Then it was myself, the dogs and two boys... hoping to make it a no stop ride from Glen Burnie to Cape May in three hours. The first call for a bathroom break however came before we even hit the Maryland State line. We pulled into the rest stop, which with much relief, I realized had a Starbucks, and I needed a hit of caffeine. The boys charmed everyone in the rest stop, as they looked at us like quaint travelers instead of what we really were, screaming kids and a mother who's hair was turning grey before their eyes. After fifteen minutes I was able to get everyone's bladders empty, and a Carmel Machiato in my hand. Then , it was the dogs turn. Surprisingly, besides tripping me twice with the leash, they were very well behaved. The second call for bathroom however, came in Township of Insert bizzar name here... where there is nothing but farmland. I asked Aiden if he could wait, and he said he could. However, I there is NOTHING for this 47 mile stretch. Finally poor Aiden was crying that he had to pee, so I pulled over for him to pee in a field. "No Mommy! NO! NO!" He wouldn't even put his feet down, and I couldn't make him pee. Pulling down his pants and yanking on his.. well.. ya know.. would amount to child abuse a this point. The dogs going nuts, "Yeah yeah.. let me show you how to pee in a field," were not helping the issue. I kept asking Aiden if I could pull into a gas station, but he kept insisting on a restaurant. There are no restaurants on the way down to Cape May. Nada, nothing on 47 but fruit stands. Finally, I pulled into a gas station and just hoped that the toilet could entice Aiden enough to go. Success... he was fine as soon as she saw the bathroom, which was surprisingly clean for a men's room in a beat up gas shack. When we got back in the car, Aiden explained he is a boy. Dogs pee in a bush not boys.

I realized a while later as well, that I had failed to explain that the gas stations had restrooms... he knew resturants did, but didn't know gas stations did... so he thought I wanted him to pee on the gas station, like I wanted him to pee in the bush. My bad! Now we both know! We finally arrive in Cape May at our new home. The most exciting thing here, was the blow up mattress, and new Sleeping Beauty movie. We did a little grocery shopping only for me to start to realize, my freezer didn't appear to be working very well. Oh well, I shall adjust the temp and let it take hold and it will be fine tomorrow. It's brand new after all. Or not.. turned out the fridge didn't work at all. I must mention now, the dogs. So excited to have a great big yard, got wet and goopy very quickly in our drizzled on overgrown back yard. What I didn't realize was the gate to the back woods was left open, so when I fell sleep, with Chianti at my side, Brie snuck out to the neighbor dog... a black lab and trolloped all over the neighborhood all night. I caught her coming home in the morning, the walk of shame. Well, to her it was gloating, but it should have been a walk of shame. Chianti had her own little adventure to our neighbors on the other side where she returned with her back paw sliced wide open. I have no idea what she's into lately, but that's the third time in two weeks she's but her pads. This one was the worst yet, and today I learned she actually went in though the dog door of our new neighbor and bled all over her house. She was not so concerned, but was worried since she didn't know who's dog it was who bled all over her house. She now walks around with a bag on her foot and Terry calls her "rag foot." Poor Chianti, she gets injured, and Brie gets a date. No wonder she stays home more. The movers did arrive, and eventually even started to unpack our stuff. Apparently we were over weight by 3000lbs and they wanted the trucks to drive back up two hours to get reweighed. Finally they realized that was not a good idea and let us have our stuff. At this point, you must realize we moved from a 4 bedroom 2.5 bath, into a 3 bedroom 1.5 bath lacking the huge basement and garage. The amount of boxes and cardboard I believe sunk the house foundation three inches. At this point, you might wonder, how are the boys doing? Well, I have to admit, Aiden is having a hard time. He wants to go back to our old house and all his friends. I finally convinced them to come take a walk with me, we didn't get 15 feet down the sidewalk before the neighborhood girls were coming over and introducing themselves to us. Most the kids in the neighborhood are 5th grade girls, but there is one kindergartner boy, Robert who the kids made fast friends with, as the girls caught me up on all the neighborhood gossip. That made me feel a little better, and now we knew Robert, who Aiden was sure was going to be his new best friend. Cody seems pretty alright with the whole move, as long as he has a nap. With the waiting for deliveries, needing to go shopping and unpacking, he has missed a nap here and there to our utter dismay. Cody needs his beauty rest! So today, for a change of pace I went outside to start on our weeds, otherwise known as our front yard. We have huge planter boxes out there that need to be cleared out. The boys came out to play with me too and the neighbors started coming over in droves. They had all gotten my cards I sent them with our pictures telling them we were moving in June. Everyone was so nice, and the cool thing here.. the kids are kids. Not one child under the age of 17 has been sitting text messaging or talking on their cell phone. The kids ride their bikes, walk around, play with their dogs and sandboxes... its so old school. I love it. We found out that one of the houses across the street has a son graduating from High school, and they were throwing a big party. I was trying to figure how I could finagle myself and the boys an invitation, when the answer arrived. The neighbors told me just to go on over. So I stopped in a Walmart, picked up a graduation card and gift card, and went over with the boys. The neighborhood girls recognized us of course and gave us a warm greeting, and I was off to the races meeting all the neighbors and the boys got a few minutes of fun with Robert, the swing set, a bounce house and a dog named Seamus. They had a pool and were cooking smores but that was a little labor intensive for me, so after a small amount of whimpering, the boys were content just to play for a little while. So yes, I crashed my neighbors party using two cute boys as a shield. They neighbors all couldn't be happier I did, and it was great. Meanwhile, our refrigerator that I bought from Lowes and Cody slept on my shoulder arrived. Now we just need to figure out how to get water over to it for the ice maker. And finally the network guy showed up to fix our internet. All the technicians in Cape May are fabulous, but the home offices seem to be jacked up. Who knows... the acid test will be when we get our first bill. So we probably have about 2/3rds of the boxes unpacked.. that will get unpacked. I still need to find the glass for my cabinets to put the dining room together, our bedroom needs some major help as the bed and dresser need to be swapped because it' doesn't fit right in our long narrow room. Cody to our surprise, loves having his own room and sleeping in there alone.. but wakes up in the middle of the night to come get Mommy to sleep with him. Normally he might just crawl in bed with me, but since our bed doesn't have linens on it yet.. it's harder to do. Aiden is still asking to go back to our old house. At one point he took and empty box and filled it with all his books and told Terry to take them and all our stuff back to our real house. He asks for his friends a lot, especially Oscar and Calvin who are moving to Germany in a few days... and Hayden and Anna... and Will, Danielle and Grace... who were all our neighbors and totally accessible at all time. Cody is content to call them but Aiden just gets more frustrated when they don't show up at our door. I am hoping we can get settled soon and get into some activities, maybe swim lessons, library groups, playgroups and the beach so get involved. We already got an invite to another party for next Saturday, another neighbor, another graduation.. so hopefully all the kids will be there to. Missing everyone very much. I think once we get settled, this will make a lovely home. People here are not your typical Jersey. I haven't heard a single Joisey accent yet, and they seem to have good ideals thus far, and like to have a good time. Schools in this area albeit confusing, seem to be very good. Once the dust settles.. literally, I think we will have a good time.


Last night in MD house.

Abby

We are lucky enough to live next to the most lovely darling girl named Abby. She is eleven years old and my boys, especially my youngest is completely in love with her. Since he doesn't know about romance, love and marriage yet however... he simply says he likes being Abby's little sister. We then correct him and explain he would still be the little brother and she's the big sister. Then my oldest, has to top it all off and say, "Abby makes a great big sister." Oh, the love!

Today, we invited Abby to come with us to the movies to see Nyms Island. They boys were over the moon when she showed up, and fought to see who could give her the boquet of flowers they picked for her at 7:30am in the morning.

I can only hope this will be the height of their sibling rivalry over a woman. Somehow, I am thinking this is going to be considered the good ol' days.

Turning Corners

It really is all about lessons learned. Our entire lives, it's either learning a lesson or repeating the same mistakes. Many of my lessons I learn from my kids. These past few days, they are teaching me about turning corners.

Seems Mommy has been waking up cranky lately. It's hard to pull myself out of bed, and get happy about being up way to early to be a short order cook and argue about why I can't get the computer on to play Nick Jr. games that I am not thrilled they discovered in the first place. Moods made worse by my plans for a lovely breakfast of hot chocolate and free pastries at Starbucks gone to pot because my children can't sit still and feel the need to sit upside down in the chairs, yell to loud, fight with each other, talk back to me and spill their $4 cups of Vivianno's all over the floor. Days made worse by not taking naps, demanding cookies and strawberries instead of eating what I made, whining because I'm not sitting where I am told or allowing jumping off the coffee table or pulling on my hair. Lesson is, find something to turn the corner. My kids do it all the time. They can easily let the garbage of the minute go...

A trip to the beach, meeting strangers and sharing cookies, just made the day a great day.

Finding friends and eating lunch amidst the hot chocolate stained clothes, still makes them smile.

And the smallest compliments about my parenting or my blog, has helped me to turn my corner today. Finding a new friend and having my heart kissed by and old one make me humble and grateful among the frustration and loneliness. Thanks to my friends and my boys for helping me to not repeat the same mistakes. Special thanks for Jacki and Andrea for helping me feel like a king!

Black Hat, White Hat

It was a trans continental case of good guy, bad guy.

I thought the seagulls in California, with their white heads were annoying.

They are annoying the way you see a cop in your rear view mirror and you are not sure what the speed limit is in the area you are currently driving.

Our here on the East Coast, the domineering bad cowboy music starts playing and suddenly, you see this seagull.

By himself, he looks harmless enough. But then he makes an annoying call, and his buddies join in by the dozens while the theme song from The Birds starts to play. I laughed at my friend Rebecca when she came to visit and got attacked my these guys at the water park. Hey.. they had signs that said they wouldn't replace any food the seagulls got...so we knew they were aggressive there. Sweet vindication for her today.

I just wasn't expecting to cause my child another great phobia simply by trying to have lunch in the park. The black villains did their thing, and grabbed a slice of turkey right out of the lunchable tray on our table right in front of our faces. Clearly a bad choice. So I put the tray in the cooler and gave Aiden a peanut butter and jelly quarter sandwich...you know the kind, grape elly sliced into triangles. The little buggard swooped down while his friends were distracting us and not only grabbed the sandwich right out of his hand, but just about took his finger with him. Armed with a mustard packet someone else had left behind I tried to chuck it at another bird as I had Aiden on my lap trying to comfort and protect him from the onslaught. Cody oddly enough was bizarrely unaffected and thought it kinda humorous, but dared not laugh. As the mustard packet flew through the air, the bird mearly stepped over it as gracefully as a giselle and let is slide off the end of the table. I'm sure we would have heard the sounds of him saying, "Ha, is that all you got?" Instead, his laughs were drown out by my yells of... "Come on boys..RUN!" Clearly we were sitting at THEIR picnic table.

This really was just the final trauma of the day. We went blueberry picking only to find out that bees really like the colors on our buckets. We picked about six berries and ate about six berries, but the boys had enough of the bees and it was time to go home.

Then as I was talking to the adorable owners of the farm, I stepped in something seriously stinky smelling and didn't realize it was on my shoe until I got into the car. Time to clean out that car I tell ya. It was bad enough to make me tear up a bit. Right on par with how bad Brie was smelling when I shaved her last Saturday morning.

My philosophy is, we wouldn't know what the really good or great things are that happen to us, if we didn't have bad things to compare them too. So I don't mind these lifes small adversities and I think they are actually good lessons for the boys. Seriously however, come on! Bee's, Seagulls and acid Poop all before 11:30am... I'm ready to go back to bed.

P.S. I did go back to bed, we all took a three hour nap. Feel free to call, I will be up until 2am with the kids.

p.s.s. Yes, that giselle comment was for you, Dave.

What did God do on the 7th day?

After putting in long hours of creativity, hard word and wonderment in creating the universe... if indeed we are created in his/her image, he must have sat back and looked at his/her creation and said, "Eh... I could have done better."





Watch out world, I'm on a rant. Don't take my silence as being shy or even tired. I'm simply stewing in self criticism. I should read more, exercise more, eat less, make more friends, sit up straight, speak nicer, be a better cook, learn to sew, wear make-up, cook healthier, be more creative, be more prepared, be more generous, be more frugile, finish something in the garden, clean out the car, stop eating cookies, cake and ice cream for my main meals and continue my education. So when I say with all seriousness "watch out world" it's a true warning because if God has any of this going on within on his/her Sundays, no wonder there are people waiting for Armageddon.





My advise for the world: Keep doing things that are cute. Seriously, it's our only hope as a planet... as a universe! That's how my kids stay alive and I think we should take a cue from them.





Speaking of cute, funny think happened this week! Cody discovered... showers. Now anytime I get it, he strips down and jumps in with me. I can only imagine the conversation we will be having in the next few months as he eye balls me up and down; beyond that I hate to think of what he will be saying to his therapist in a few years. Right now however, he's more interested in rinsing his tushie, with great delight.





The problem with this is, this used to be my brain runith over time. The time when random thought could surface in my head and get washed down the drain. Most of the time, I just have random words... words that I don't use in typical conversation but for some reason just pop into my head. Words like incredulous an pithy. Words that if I used in a normal conversation I would know exactly what they mean... but to pull them up by themselves after having 98% of my conversations in a day with a 3 and 4 year old, I have no clue and run to the internet to search it meaning and also check if it's a peek into my subconscious. (Lucky ducky for you, for all those who are reading this going... "duuh incredulous means skeptical and pithy means forceful and brief". Congratustinkinlations!) The bizzar side effect of this however, is when I hear a word that might be something on the SAT's, I get all excited and stop the conversation. "OOH! What does guile mean!"





So to all you brainiacs out there, I have birthday coming up. I'm thinking a great book recommendation with lots of funky words but won't bore me, or a dictionary and thesaurus would be great. Save me from smelling up the room with brain farts.

Dog Grooming

A wonderful Saturday morning. The kids are being adorable. I cuddle with my oldest in the nicely air conditioned room as he tells me, "Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole wide world!" What can be better than that.

We trounce downstairs to find hubby and my youngest being equally as cute, pouring liquid breakfast of orange juice and coke over ice and playing computer games. (OJ for the kid, Coke for the Dad!)



Then it happened. I turned around and got hit with an odor that could only be flattered by being called putrid.


I look down to see my adoring smallest dog (smallest at 45lbs!) staring up at me asking for her morning rub behind the ear. Brown, green and orange yuck is smeared here and there up her side and on her face. This is it! She's been escaping into the neighborhood though what we can only figure must be a transporter over our fence and trolloping around. And on the special occasions, she brings home a fantastic smell of the dead to share and spread among our house hold belongings. Well, today this does not go unpunished.



"Terry, do you know where the dog clippers are?" He tells me yes with huge trepidation in his voice. Perhaps he is remembering my last attempt at giving our dogs a haircut. Four hours of painstaking drama on the back porch, trying to figure out how to use the guard and liquid cooling oil, only to have them coming out looking like they went four rounds with a tazer sea of tiki torches.




I went to the porch, plugged in the clippers. It wasn't about two minutes until I called to my assistant, "Terry.. can you get me the cooling oil and some bug spray!" I was getting eaten alive. It was making Brie very nervous when I am shaving her and stomping my legs to get the flies off. As if I wasn't bad at this enough!


Terry come out and sprayed down, with the bug spray not the oil... and I was really off to the races. No going back now.


At this point you might be wondering, why didn't she just take them to the groomers? One answer... $300! I can deal with some patch work looking dogs that don't stink to high heavens and shed all over my floors in an effort to save that kind of cash!

A few minutes into this however, my artistic side started to come out. Famous quotes from movies started to fill my head from "Surfs Up" (remember, I have watch primarily childrens' movies for the last four years!). The dog is in there, I just have to let it out. Smooth strokes... find the dog!"



I was feeling pretty good about the job I was doing. I was onto dog number two and they didn't look nearly as patchy as my attempt on them a few years back, and this time, there was no blood. (Unfortunately I did nick one bad enough last time to bleed.) But this time.. success. Humm.. is this possibly my new calling. Well, they didn't look that good.. but if I was perhaps in dog salon rather than a back porch contorting myself around the stool and table legs, maybe I could do better. Or maybe I could be the one who just gets the bulk off, and gives the mutts to someone else to do the finishing work. Just then as I was doing the finishing touches on Chianti, I squatted down and sat on the can of cooling oil, which allowed it to dispense itself all over my butt. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is... not my calling.

Birthday Season

Ah, to be in the mind of a four year old!


I'm sure it's confusing. All the sudden, we are making trips to
Big Lots and buying gifts in bulk. Each weekend is a wonderful back yard adventure filled with brightly colored wrapping paper, ribbons and party hats. My four year old decided this morning however, we needed some order about the entire process.





He enlisted his army of myself and his little brother. Apparently I was his sergent, my qualifications being greater definded motor skills and I can reach the scissors.




He marched the troops downstairs to the pile of bags that held the seven items to be wrapped, plus bags, two rolls of wrapping paper and after a bit of looking, the tissue paper.


While the process beyond why I was calling the brightly colored paper, toilet paper,(as he kept running to the bathroom and saying "Tissue is right here!"), it proved to be rather uninteresting to my youngest. He instead insisted to sit on my lap and took pictures of my placemats his own fingers.



Aiden however, was captivated by getting the task at hand completed and done! He saluted me with each direction and was ready with tape and all the opinions he could muster of which color paper should go around each gift.

Ah, tis the season. Hubby, yougest son and myself all have B'days coming up as well. While we all share little interest in this fact, my four year old has taken it upon himself to let everyone we know, anywhere we go that it is indeed someone's birthday. He even conveinced a waitress in a resturant the other day that it was my B'day by him and Cody constantly singing over and over and over. She brought me a piece of cake and said, "It's gotta be true, if not, it's true to them!"

Texas

Now, what I am about to write is in good humor. I love my husband and he hails from the grand state of Texas. His family, all adorable! Even Uncle Leo who likes to hug and jiggle me a little too much... ok, maybe not Uncle Leo.

I worked a lot in Texas when I was doing telecom training. Plano, which lived up to it's name with it's vast miles and miles of flat land was indeed on the more plain side. I also saw parts of Dallas, and San Antonio. Thanks to Terry, I have gotten to experience visiting relatives in Lewisville, Denton and Lubbock.

We often wonder where it is we should retire too, (Well when Terry retires and Heidi starts her career.) and Texas does offer him a wonderful opportunity to use his GI bill and get a huge education all express free. So there is a chance, we might end up back in TX, if not just for a few years. However, I am concerned.

Top Ten Reasons I’d get kicked out of Texas
1. I’d be considered a tree hugger, for asking “Do we recycle?”
2. If everything is bigger in Texas, consider the size of my mouth after crossing that state line.
3. They would have to repaint the state, to include a blue dot to represent our house.
4. I don’t know who played for Dallas Wide receiver in 1984.
5. I don’t care who played for Dallas wide receiver in 1984.
6. I can see a clear distinction between two same sex humans getting married and someone who wants to marry their dog.
7. I believe in evolution and spirituality and believe neither have to do with the church. (I could get shot there for this one.)
8. I believe in teaching children to write thank you notes.
9. I find it ridiculous/laughable to have to drive across a county line or have a license to buy booze but you can bum a cigarette off a 8 year.
10. My sarcasm would not be recognized, and I would end up with a gun rack mounted to the grill of my car.

Lets face it, there are plenty of reasons I would get kicked out of Texas, and here is the main reasons why:

Little Mermaid and Care Bear pillows, that's one thing, but the other pics in TX could amount to a phone call to Children's Services.

This being said, I do love that most restaurants in TX, have Diet Dr. Pepper as a drink option. There is always a silver lining. So I can have a healthy choice with my deep fried veggie of the day and steak with honey butter. (actually, that sounds really good!)

Nothing Half Way

My parents and now my husband always tell me, "you don't do anything half way!" Funny how people see half way, I feel like my life is a constant stream of half way. I planted the seeds for the veggie garden, but have yet to actually transfer them to the flower bed. I cleaned the kitchen counters, but not the floors. We've gotten one of our two dogs to learn to stay at home and not escape the yard and wander around the neighborhood (little tramp) And with my youngest son, we are half way to being potty trained.

Now, I am on a new half mission, to figure out...what exactly do I want to be as my boys grow up. For months now, trying to pick a profession that won't put us in the poor house with student loans but will bring me a sense of pride when the boys say, "My mommy is a....fill in the blank." Seriously, fill in the blank.. someone, anyone!

Not only am I a stay at home mom...a trader to my sociology degree as all sociologists believe that profession is under appreciated and detrimental to a woman and perpetuation of the glass ceiling for women on a global level...I am a military wife. This means, not only do I have the holes in my resume from the hiatus to adore my children while eating bon-bons and watching daytime television (yeah right!) but I have holes created by the constant moving with my husband to his next billet.

So as I go through the demoralizing process of trying to update my resume and wanting to make fondue with this paper Swiss cheese, I am reminded of the irony of how many half ways this appears to be on paper and how ironic that people think I do nothing half way at all.

I do envy my son, who has known since birth he wants to be a veterinarian. With his first word being "Dog" over the usual words such as "Mamma" or "Daddy", or even "Hi". I do wonder however since my second son's first words were "Waffle" and "Syrup" what he will fancy himself, or perhaps he will simply marry Ms. Butterworth or Aunt Jermima.

Anyone know if they are single?

Captains Log No. 1

Is it any surprise that my first post, I name and make reference to one of the all time over the top actors and characters played by Mr. William Shatner; James......T......Kirk.

No offense to Mr. Shatner by the way, but loved the new movie. Then again, I seem to be drawn to all thing Star Trek, even though my affection for Trek in general only hits on mild amusement in the grand scheme of my entertainment values.

I am a geek however. Dungeons and Dragons my first love. I just can't stay away from that desperate adventuring sorcerer who is too impatient especially by elven standards to stay and study at school and must at the tender age of 153, venture out to see what lurks in the woods. I attended Dundracon for some years in a row. My new husband and I attended our last con in San Ramon, CA with our less than one year old baby. While we didn't dress up, we did dress him like a little dragon thus only beginning his career of dressing up with careless abandon.

For sure, other items will be revealed about myself and the things I say, thus an understanding will emerge of why this blog is named, "Over the top". For now, I will just open the door with these few tid-bits and let our understanding of each other begin.